Families... Normal?

Reflecting on my life the last week or so has helped me to realize more than I already have. I see  how blessed I am for the people in my life, the experiences I have had both good and bad and for The Lord in my life. People change, places around us change and ideas change. Just as much as the world has changed since the birth of the Internet so has each one of our lives. All the experiences I have had In my life make me who I am today experiences in everyone Else's lives make them who they are.

It is beautiful to know that not one person is just like another. We all have our own thoughts, opinions and ideas. And that's a wonderful thing. With all of us so different from each other it opens the opportunity of growth in our families, communities, nations and the world. I love that.

I have seen, heard and experienced so many things that it is incredible. I love the fact that each day I can go out and learn 10 things easily and still have the whole day open to more learning. I thrive off the ability that I personally have to grow as an individual and to build my knowledge and character.

I had the opportunity to spend time with my family a lot the last week and although it wasn't all good I wouldn't change the chance that I had to be with them. No one's family is perfect heck all of ours are probably pretty far from it. Outsiders looking in may think wow their family is so normal if only my family could be normal, but what is normal these days? Not only that if we all had a family like the Beaver's wouldn't we get bored fast? I would think so.

 My family always keeps me on my toes and I bet I help keep them on their toes too. As much as I want to think I'm not a contributor of the chaos in my own family I'm sure I'm probably one of the leaders of the pack. Then it makes you think thank goodness for family. No matter what a family member may do, how big a fight was, how awful the words exchanged were at the end of the day ya'll are saying love you and I'm always here for you.

Everyone thinks their story is so different from the rest but really it's not. What is hard for one family is easy for another and vice versa.

Timing, Forgiveness and Fears

           I love when you have just one of those days of reflection. Looking at life and the things we each have gone through. I remember hearing when I was little the adults saying if I could go back and change anything in my life I wouldn't change a thing. I used to think wow they are crazy I could think of 10 things I would change at least.
           Now looking back and thinking is there anything I would change? No. Yeah there has been bad things that have happened, I have made bad decisions, I didn't use my brain at times. If I hadn't of struggled through all of that I would not be who I am and where I am today.A good friend told me this...

1 To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven".... "11 He hath made every thing beautiful in his time..." (Old Testament, Ecclesiastes, Chapter 3) check out the whole chapter v1-11 is powerful ♥ Everything, All negative & all positive, that happens in our lives He has a timing & purpose..with love

          I would not be living where I do, the people in my life probably would have ever met, and I would not have had the chance to learn the things I have been able to from them. I am so grateful for where I am at in my life even though it is not how I planned my life going. I am glad that I learn something new about those around me and myself every day.
   
         Today after spending the day reflecting I was able to meet with a friend who has been through similar situations in life. We talked about how because of those we have met we look back and would not change the other struggles. However we also discussed how hard forgiveness is. When we talk about forgiveness we were specifically talking about forgiving ourselves for putting us in the situations. I look at it and wonder... what was I thinking? Why did I throw out all that I believed in and stood for? Why did I stay even though I can't even remember a time when I was happy and not feeling controlled? Then I realize that I cannot change the decisions that I made before. All that I can do now is remember how I will never lose myself again. I know who I am, and I know who I want to be.
        Because of what I have been through I can now see things that I do to protect myself. I do not like getting too serious and close with people. I can to an extent and then I get cautious and nervous. I do not like commitments anymore. Occasionally I think yeah I would love that I do not mind committing to that and then often I start getting anxious about it and question my decisions. This goes from small things like deciding what to do during the day to relationships. I do not even like making plans too far out anymore. I do not give solid answers to many questions. This I find is my way of protecting myself from my fears and trying not to get hurt. I also act as though things do not bother me because then it shows that I actually care and caring makes me vulnerable and being vulnerable scares me. 
      However knowing this helps me because I can try to overcome these fears and work through them. I try every day to make sure that I do not let my fears control me that I instead let my faith in his timing help me to dare to try to push through my weaknesses.

"Believe in yourself. Believe in your capacity to do great and good and worthwhile things. Believe in the nature within you, the divine nature." Gordon B. Hinckley

Hopefully this semi makes sense as often my thoughts run faster than my fingers can type.

Sunday Reflections

          I was talking to a friend tonight and one of the big things that him and I discussed is being able to be content with yourself. How it is so very important to make sure that you are happy and you know who you are and what you need. This could be related to many aspects of life, what job will be best for you, what kind of person you need to date etc. Looking back and realizing that you haven't always been yourself or happy is hard but now what are you going to do about it? What is your next step?
          I talked to him about how it was hard for me for the longest time to look at the fact that I was not finished with school when I had been on the track to finish over a year early. I had beat myself up about it and then it hit me, the time that I had taken off of school was time that I took to progress in ways that might not have earned me my degree from a university, but I was able to earn my personal degree. I was able to find myself and figure out the things that make me happy, and what I personally need in life. It was so very important for me to have taken that time off of school to find myself that now looking at it I would never change it. I was able to grow and strengthen myself as an individual. So even though it was not the path I had first chosen for myself it was the best path for me.
        Of course we had to talk about one of my least favorite subjects... Dating. (Gag me now) But really it wasn't that bad of a talk. So we discussed the importance of finding some one who has the same kind of square that will fit perfectly with yours. This could be your spiritual needs, emotional, or physical needs, but all in all you need someone who will be on the same page as you. The thing that we all want is for the person we want to want us too. Therefore this being easier said than done, if you like someone show it, they will find time to spend with you if they really want to be with you and you will find time for them no matter how busy you both are with work etc, do not make excuses it is as easy as that. No games should be played. Just be honest with them and tell them how you feel (I am the worst at this one). It is also important that you can find someone that you can converse with and that you can continually feel uplifted with. Like for me I have found that I personally need someone that I can talk to about sports, the gospel, something new I have learned or some interesting facts that intrigue me, but not only that I can talk to them about these things, but they can talk to me about them too. It cannot be a one way conversation. Also that I do not feel the need to always entertain them with conversation that I can enjoy their company just by being around them.
       Another topic we discussed is about how the Lord is there for us, but he isn't the one who is creating the situations we are in. We have used our free agency and that is why we have gone through the things that we have. The Lord has helped us work through those decisions after we have made them, whether they be good or bad. The whole reason why we are here is to have free agency. I have heard so many people ask why has the Lord let this happen to me? That isn't what we should be asking. What we should be doing is realizing that it wasn't the Lord doing this to us it was our own actions or an action from someone who is around us. We need to focus on what the Lord has done for us after these situations, how has he been able to help us push through or understand what occurred? It is our life, our decisions and the Lord is there to help us work through those decisions that we have made.
        We skipped around many topics tonight and it was so great to be able to talk about life. It is important to make sure that we are always progressing and are not keeping ourselves in a stand still. I feel that for me I need to always be trying to lift myself and learn new things. Each individual is different, we all have our own needs and wants. The importance of being able to find yourself and your happy place is number one. So taking a step back to reflect is a good thing, count your blessings, believe in yourself and always Trust Your Struggles for they are what make you... well YOU.

Dreams/Nightmares

        It is funny how sometimes we may think that everything is fine or that particular things do not affect us anymore. Or that is what we try to tell ourselves but then at night when we are sleep our subconscious then pops up.  Often it is good with dreams about happy things that we have been wanting to happen or really happy things.
       Other times however, we have those nightmares of fears that just pop up that we obviously have been trying to suppress for a while now. When these happen it is no fun. It brings up memories you try to get rid of and from time to time you then recognize what you are most fearful of.
       I am sure we have all woken up from a deep sleep in a panic or crying. When this happens the best thing to do is take a few deep breaths, bring yourself back to reality (good way to do this is feel your blankets and the things around you), as much as you do not want to if you can run through the nightmare and try to acknowledge the things that you are most fearful of. I am sure you are thinking why I don't want to do that, that's why I woke up in the first place. Well it is good to do because it can help prevent the same dream/nightmare from happening again. After you have identified this I find the next best thing is think of the blessings you have i.e. I have a home, family and friends who love me. This will help redirect your thoughts and help you look at positive outlooks. If the Nightmare was of a previous event or one that is similar to the previous event then maybe look at all the good things you have been able to accomplish even after the event happened. You will be amazed at how strong you really are and this will help give you another thing to be able to redirect our minds to.
      Just remember that most dreams aren't bad. Do not let yourself be afraid to sleep the next time you try for if this happens you could possibly have another nightmare because of your lack of sleep and obviously you are still thinking about the nightmare if you are not wanting to go back to sleep in fear of having the same dream or something similar.
     If I wake up in the middle of a nightmare where what I was fearful of hasn't happened I try to come up with an alternate ending of things turning out in my favor. Me conquering the person, animal or test that I was trying to or instead of me getting hurt I will imagine the police stopping anything from happening or sometimes I picture myself from do the things the cops would have done.
    If these aren't helping... relaxing music is way nice to listen to or my favorite working out/running. It helps me release any stress or tension I might have been having.
    Every person is different so things that work for me might not do anything to help you. It really is just a trial and error process to figure out what helps you the best. Just remember you are an amazing person. You have accomplished many things and don't be afraid to dream again not all dreams turn into nightmare. Most turn into wonderful dreams. That is what you should focus on. Never stop Dreaming.

The Blessing of Friends

I can honestly say that my friends are better than yours. I cannot think of a time that I have not had at least one friend help me when I needed them most (even though I had not talked to them). Although I have many great friends I feel the need to talk about a few individuals and the things they have helped me learn.

My best friend from high school has taught me the importance of enduring until the end. Her life hasn't always been easy. All growing up she went through struggles with family and medical difficulties but she never gave up. She always was so strong. I am so happy that she has found her Perfect man and been sealed to him for time and all eternity. I love to see that finally everything is working out for her. She has been blessed with a wonderful baby boy who I know feels her with so much love. She is the wonderful wife and mother I knew she would always be. I feel so very blessed to have been able to grow and mature with her through out high school. We have had our laughs and our cries for sure but I will always remember how when ever we were together in high school there was never a dull moment. We had a two year break from each other but the funny thing... you would never be able to tell. She has been there for me through so much. I feel as though she is the sister I never had. The best thing is when she will text or call me and it is always exactly when I need to hear from her the most. She always has a place in my heart.

Another best friend of mine has been there through so many things this last year. We have been able to discuss our hardships and relate but most of all she has been one who I can talk about all the magnificent blessings that have occurred. We always have the best conversations about the Lord and his atonement.  I have loved our most recent conversation. After being told that she will have to wait for something even longer than she already has she then was told but the price will go up (in her favor). We then talked about how that is the way the Lord works too. Although we may really feel we need something at the time the reason we probably did not receive it or that it didn't work out is because the things the Lord has in store for us is much greater than what we want at the time. Then we reflected on how we both had been praying for someone to come into our lives to help us through the struggles we had been facing and that we needed someone that would understand us and be there for us. We both realize that the Lord blessed us by introducing us. If it wasn't for him and his prompting to take a job out in California we would have never met and been able to grow and been strengthened by each other. I am so grateful for the many talks I can have with her whether it be day to day randomness, boys and our funny dating experiences, our trials, and most importantly our faith. She has helped me learn to keep chugging and that there is always a way also to count all my many blessings.

I am so grateful for all my friends and the wonderful things that they teach me. I am especially grateful for these two individuals and their strength.

It's Okay Not to Be Okay

I have come to realize that it doesn't matter if things are not perfect. If things do not go as planned. If you would have talked to me a year and a half ago I could have told you my goals step by step and how things were going to go exactly as the personal road map I wrote for myself. Now a days I have goals, but I have realized to no longer set step by step goals. Life changes and we never have complete control over our lives.
       A little over a year ago my life changed something unexpected happened. Something that was out of my control. I was hurt by someone that I once loved. I never for saw in my wildest dreams what happened to ever happen to me. Because of what happened I spent the last year trying to figure out why. Figure out how I could have changed things.The truth is I cannot change it so therefore I must live with it and my life is far from over so I might as well make my life worth it.
       I have tried so hard to always be strong to always try to show every one that it doesn't define me. Honestly it does, but not for the reasons some may think. I have found myself. I have been able to figure out that it doesn't matter if things do not go as I originally plan it to. Now I no longer let others define me. I once let someone control my thoughts and actions. I vow to always have my own voice now. I am not afraid to stick up for myself anymore. I am who I am and there is no reason to change. To those who read this blog or those who may, I do not wish what happened to me upon anyone ever, but I do wish that you will find yourself.
      Some nights I do not sleep, other times I find myself staying in bed for half the day. It is part of the healing process. I have struggled through depression. I am sure I will from time to time struggle through it again, but as I have named this blog Trust Your Struggles Always I truly mean it. If it was not for my struggles I do not know where I would be or who I would be. Life really does throw you lemons. I could have let this accident tear me down and keep me down, but I do not plan to.I will not let it though.
      I hate looking weak to those around me and although I may not show it often I am weak from time to time, but how could I ever become strong with out having weakness? I cry. I cry more than I ever have in my life. Sometimes I do not even fully understand why I do. After I finish I realize that I feel so much better. I look at some inspirational quotes, look at myself in the mirror and tell myself. It is okay. Cry, show weakness people are not going to look at me negatively just because I have weaknesses.
      For all the people who may be reading this. You are worth so much. You are you and that's what matters. Do not let anyone change you into someone you are not. Try to find yourself try to be the best you can be. Do not let failure keep you down. Some of the most successful people in the world have failed numerous times. Never try to be someone you aren't.
      I want those who read this to know that Violence from a partner or Ex partner is never acceptable both emotionally or physically. If you know someone who is going through domestic violence or violence do not be afraid to talk to the victims about it or contact a help hotline. Or send them to nomore.org
     Now that I have stayed up all night and possibly ranted a lot I will end this post with another quote. 

Trust Your Struggle

       

 

 TRUST YOUR STRUGGLE

     I have never been good with a blog. I have never even had the momentum and drive for it. I never knew what I would write about or why to write. I even had a blog I had to do for a class and I didn't even try hard on it. This blog though is for me to those read it hopefully it can help you find yourself.
              I don't plan on having any one particular thing to write about in this blog it will be what ever comes to my mind when I feel like blogging. (Once again I am not an extreme blogger, I don't even keep a consistent diary)
              Little background on myself, I am a senior in college planning to graduate with a degree in Mass Communications emphasis in Public Relations and a possibility of a minor in Business Administration. It took me a while to figure out what to do and where to go. I received my associates degree from a community college and from there I almost transferred to TCU (Texas Christian University) then did transferred to SMU (Southern Methodist University) which I absolutely loved to death, but financially was not for me. I then decided on Texas State University for a new start after making some changes in my life. It did not fair to be exactly what I needed. So now I am here in Orem UT planning to complete my degree at UVU (Utah Valley University). So yup I just had to try out multiple places to find myself and where I fit... It might be here it might not only time will tell.
         I was born in Dallas, Texas and raised in Flower Mound, Texas. I am Texan through and through. No matter where I go what I do I will never forget where I am from. I grew up with three brothers and the best parents any on could ever dream of. They have always been there for me and I know they always will. I grew up a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. Yup I am Mormon and I am proud of it.